Problem Solving is Really Solving Problems!

In our house we have an extraordinarily stubborn child. In fact, a friend who instructs parents locally in a particular program, remarked that he's much more persistent than most kids she sees. I had to laugh because anyone who lived in this house, or even the neighborhood, knows that simple fact.

As a result, we've spent a lot of time looking for ideas to help us teach our son in a positive way. We've discovered quite a few, and have used nearly all of them. So while I was reading a book about helping teens step into adulthood, I found myself surprised that one of our 'tips' was staring me in the face.

We've spent a lot of time helping our teenagers know how to problem-solve in various ways, and I realized we hadn't been using it with our youngest. So it began with some explanations before story-time.

1. We explained to our son what problem solving is, and how it can help us all find ways to work out problems.

2. We taught him the steps.
Step 1: Say what's wrong without blaming anyone.
(Instead of, “He won’t let me play basketball", we say “There is only one
ball and we both want to play with it.)
Step 2: Brainstorm. Find a way to work things out.
Step 3: talk about what's good and bad about each solution.
Step 4: Pick a solution that everyone can agree to (and hopefully be happy about.
Step 5: Try the 'new plan'. If it works, everyone is happy. If it doesn't work,
pick another idea to be the plan.

3. We remind him that he wanted to work things out without tantrums, so we can try problem solving so we can all be happy.

And now he's a problem-solving kid. He spends A LOT of time talking about how to solve problems. Even problems we didn't expect. For example, while I'm finishing this article, he has to wait for his computer time. He started problem solving (out loud) and reasoning. First he wanted the computer time to be his now. When I said I was working and wouldn't be done for 20 minutes, he stopped himself getting upset, and he reminded himself to problem solve. His solution was to distract himself by emptying the paper garbage from the library, and then wait until I told him it was finally his turn. (His words, not mine)

I am impressed. I wasn't thinking of using problem-solving skills as intricate as these because he's 4. But I'm glad I did. Things are becoming much easier for him (in managing his emotions) and us (no arguments and less tantrums).

My lesson for this week is "Give problem-solving a try!" And if that doesn't work, try something else. You never know what's going to work with kids: they're wired differently, and each is an individual. As they grow and change, it's our job to help them have the skills to survive and feel good about themselves.

Be well and enjoy your children!

Kim

Summertime Blues?

I've noticed that our kids have been more rebellious and a little more rowdy than usual, and when it comes to the 4 year old, even a little more is too much rowdy. So I took some time to observe, and I discovered the problem right away! It's our routine!

This summer has been one of changes and moves, and the first summer our 4 year old has been 'off school'. And with all of the changes and last minute plans, we've let all of our routines go. All of us.

So I've decided to take some time and help re-create a schedule. Gone are the morning cartoons that seem to last ALL morning (our son recently discovered that Cartoon Network has cartoons all day and THAT is NOT going to happen.)

We're back to breakfast at the table, writing/reading fun, snack and a cartoon or two, lunch then a book (and hopefully a nap), snack and reading time, then PBS kids because the boy loves CyberChase. Not to mention outside every minute he's not doing all those things, playing with the big kids, flirting with the girls, helping with the garden and playing with Daddy, and our several times a week walk to the park.

Everyone needs routine in their lives. At least the everyones living in our house. Without it we become complacent, irritable, and lost in a sea of 'stuff' that finds itself here every day. So it isn't just our little one, it's me. Shiny sink before bed (Thank you FlyLady!), work during naptime, and getting the rest of us (and our stuff) back to 15 minutes from clean. It's our living standard. It's rarely 100% clean, but 99.9 + 45 minutes clean works for me.

If things have started to come unglued, take a look around. Are your routines in place? Is there something you've left out? Take a moment to organize for even 15 minutes. Then take the rest of that hour for you.

Priorities, Kid Style

I write from home, and today I promised myself a bit of a break. As soon as my son heard, he begged me to watch the Scooby-Doo specials on Cartoon Network. The joy he adds when he says "Cartoon Network" shows that we haven't had cable television for long. Since I am an infamous multi-tasker, I planned to make up the 'coins' we're going to use as screen-time currency. My son does not approve. He's actually excited about the coins, as he gets to paint them. He just doesn't want it done during 'our' Scooby-Doo together time.

I'm off during a break from the marathon (how many hours of Scooby-Doo can one mom take?), and wanted to share the idea.

Every coin will be worth 1/2 hour of screen time. We'll all have 6 coins, to be used throughout the day. More coins can be added (for Scooby-Doo marathons, and such), but each half-hour watched equals 1 cardboard-cut-out coin in the jug.

Work, school, and family-time movies (which aren't often) are the only exceptions.

My job is to cut out the coins. Then our youngest will paint them, and I'll help him write the 1/2 hour, and he'll put everyone's initial on their coins, plush w for earned coins.

I'll post any progress.

I hope to hear from some parents about what they do to moniter and keep control of the television addictions that summer leads to.

Kim

The Games Listed

The games listed here are some of the games our son plays. He's very adept at the computer, and working with the mouse has been very good for his small motor coordination. The list may change or grow, but here's a good start.

A few may have music you want to keep turned down, but a lot of the sites are very intuitional, and Our 4 year old can do them on his own. He really is proud to show me what he's learned to do, so some of the time I sit with him, other times I'll be working.

These games are a life saver if you're a working mom with a second computer. There are times I'll use our old laptop so he can be online and learning, too occupied with what he's doing to notice I'm making my phone calls.

For Kids and their Adults

This site will hopefully become something more kid-friendly as our youngest starts helping with some decisions on links to games, pictures, etc.

Stop back soon!

Kim